Oct 3
2008

Mark was a young boy of 10 or 11 years when I first gave him an Alexander lesson. His mother, a friend of mine, talked to me about some problems that Mark was having at school. Every now and then Mark’s temper would flare up and he made some of the other kids at school uncomfortable and he became uncooperative with his teacher. His aggressive behavior was also reflected in his relationship with his mother. They struggled to communicate and often ended up raising their voices in argument. She was at a loss as to what to do. Mark was really frustrated.

I offered to give Mark a lesson in the Alexander Technique, that maybe it could allow him to feel more at ease with himself. She said sure, let’s give
it a try. In meeting with Mark he told me that he could see what he was doing but that he couldn’t help it. Sometimes he would just get mad.

We kept it simple. I put my hands on him while I talked about a particular balance point that he could find in the relationship of his head to the rest of his body. I guided him in discovering this while at the same time asking him to remain aware of his surroundings. He could sense what I was showing him inside and described it to be like a ‘bubble of space that moved.’ He saw how he could create this space himself and he smiled.

We discussed how he might choose to allow for this movement space whenever he found himself getting angry and that it might offer him a choice in how he responded rather than always being controlled by his strong feelings of anger and frustration. He seemed to like this idea a lot.

The next time I saw Mark was a few months later. We were at his little brother’s soccer game. I asked him how he was doing and he said that whenever he thought about the ‘bubble’ he smiled and said it made him feel easier, it was really cool. Sometimes he would forget about it though, especially with his mom. I asked him if he wanted to explore it some more and he said sure.

We stepped aside from the soccer field a bit. I placed my hands on him and asked him to remember what we had done the last time he had a lesson and to look around the soccer field and watch the game some. He talked about how, (his perception of), the playing field started to change and he felt more comfortable, more of a sense of belonging. He said he felt taller and lighter too. “Cool!” he said smiling.

After awhile I asked Mark if it was okay with him to invite his mom over as a part of the lesson. He didn’t mind. She walked over and I asked them to stand facing each other a few feet apart. I made contact with each of them at the arm as this was simply the easiest contact point for me to reach both of them at the same time. I asked Mark to allow for some of that movement space while looking at his mom.

I coached his mom to be aware of her reactions to Mark in simply standing there. I asked her to look at Mark in this moment rather than only through her familiar perception of Mark that included their recent struggles. She said that she could feel herself wanting to ‘lean into him’ to tell him what to do or in readiness of an argument.

I helped her to explore for herself, the space that Mark was finding for himself. She began to feel more relaxed and Mark began to feel less pressure.

He said he didn’t feel any of the build up of energy that made him want to fight. Before long they both stood looking at each other, each on their own two feet with a new found respect. They could let something new happen between them and they both smiled.

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